Naughty or nice?

He knows when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake. He even knows if you’ve been bad or good. Who is he?

No, not Krampus.

Santa Claus, of course! But Santa isn’t the only one who notices who’s been naughty and who’s been nice. You’ve been around these people all year, meaning you can judge for yourself.

That friend who gave you a ride to the airport at 7 a.m.? Nice.

That friend who conveniently forgot to bring his wallet to that fancy four-course dinner (to which he invited you)? Naughty.

The gal at Grub Burger Bar who always gets you a side of ranch? Nice.

Your roommate who accepted delivery of your Grub order and kept it for himself? Unapologetically naughty.

Whatever the case, these folks have been stuffing the balance sheet with naughty and nice entries all year long, and now it’s time for them settle up their accounts. Literally.

So, this Christmas, don your jolliest Santa hat and draft a naughty and nice list of your own. Once you’ve put everything in writing, get to work on picking the perfect gifts for each person in your life. Trust us here — we’ve had our fair share of naughty and nice guests over the years, so we know a thing or two about all of this.

Here are our suggestions!

For the Nice Ones

Obviously, this all depends on the degrees (six or less, or so we hear) that separate you from these individuals. You’re not going to be wrapping up a new Xbox One for your kinda, sorta friend Steve, after all. But any of the following would make for a fine gift for the members of your nice squad.

• A gift card for a massage.
• A copy of one of your favorite books.
• Pay for a subscription of theirs for a few months: Netflix, sock club, Birch Box, workout classes, etc.
• A warm, comfy blanket.
• Snuggies are still a thing, right?
• A promise to name your firstborn after them.
• A lava lamp (it’s not hypnotic… it’s soothing).
• Some jewelry.
• Boxers that say funny/witty things on them.
• A comically oversized wine glass.
• Movie tickets.
• A VHS version of Dirty Dancing.
• A puppy (if they’re ready and able).

And, of course, for the really nice ones: a Grub gift card is the perfect stocking stuffer to let them know how much you truly care. Besides, this is one gift that keeps on giving. Throughout December, for every $30 you spend on gift cards, Grub will reward your generosity with a complimentary entree. A Merry Christmas to us all!

For the Naughty Ones

These people have wreaked havoc in your life for far too long. Now it’s payback time.
• A gift card for a poorly-rated massage.
• Your least favorite book.
• A Chia Pet.
• A broken lava lamp (it’s not soothing… it’s boring).
• Your credit card bill.
• A bag of sand.
• That old vacuum cleaner you’re trying to get rid of.
• A tangled-up yo-yo.
• Mulch.
• Stolen jewelry (not really, though).
• Gently (or not) used boxers that have decades-old catchphrases on them. (“Did I do that?”)
• A VHS version of Dirty Dancing 2: Havana Nights.
• A snake with no cage.
And if you’re old-fashioned, you really can’t go wrong with a lump of coal. We mean, how much worse can it get than that?

Whatever your lists look like, come celebrate the holidays with both naughty and nice alike. Who knows? Maybe the nice will rub off on the naughty… or maybe the other way around. At Grub, we’re ready for you and your guests, whoever they may be!

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